is'nt life nostalgic?!

Thursday, January 06, 2005

“Untitled”

You say you are certain,
and you speak of truths,
that we must believe.
You must be a god.
You say you have keen senses,
intact in a body nourished
by earth’s freshest produce.
Your face, adored by all of mankind,
precious, perfect.
Maybe you are a god.
Your epicurean taste,
rooted from your attachments to carnal sensations,
devours in ecstasy.
My abnormalities are, grotesquely defined,
in comparison to your appearance, wits, and talents.
But, I can’t stop thinking,
of what use
are all of your endowments, really?

“Sleep”

I find solace in sleep.
When I shut my eyes, there is peace.
There is serenity.
We deliver ourselves to death for a while,
and resurrect from this madness.
We let go.
We leave this world to be cleansed
of the impurities that wear us out.
Let it tame our hearts,
and heal our wounds.
Let it save ourselves form lunacy and anguish.
It puts an end to a day’s story,
suspending us in deep space,
and murky dreams.
This moment I value most,
oh precious slumber,
to which I succumb,
to escape this continuum.

“Escaping Immorality”

We are conscious of our handicaps.
We yearn to behold things,
beyond this condition.
And succumb to wishful thinking.
This mind is not ignorant of the truth.
That perfection exists, but,
we are born like this.
And we be introduced to our history
–this grandeur, continuing and unimpeded.
Our minds absorb things, all around,
and suffocate in this putrid isle.
We be given will.
Do we choose to leave this isolation;
we drown,
if we do not learn how to swim.

“Liberte”

Safety, in the arms of conformity,
is a necessity for survival.
Though some choose suicide.
A risqué disposition, maybe?
Nudity!
Who thought of clothing rational?
Liberte!
We are gods,
in our little ways.
I feel agoraphobia,
sitting in my bedroom,
thinking about this orchestration,
suspending us on strings.
But we are not puppets.
Culture sticks, like chewing gum
on rubber soles.
It clings. Its reality.
Oh how cruel, this
Liberte,
to torture us in reverie!

“God”

I see a streak of light
at a distance,
pointing at me,
passing through my skin and all,
making my body appear translucent
and weightless.
I can feel its warmth
radiating through my veins,
and embracing me, in ecstasy.
From a pure beam,
it shatters into an array of brilliant colors,
swirling and dancing
like vivid auroras at eye level.
It spreads like electricity in water,
consumes me like fire.
The colours then fuse together,
surging into a singular core,
harnessing the ethereal energies
that surround me.
The solitary mass of light,
now absorbing this blanket,
leaves a pitch black,
empty and cold similar to space
composed of nothing.
Here, in front of me,
hovers this sphere of immense powers
to which I have surrendered
my being, selflessly.

“Death”

Death equals life
in importance, for
death makes us live,
and pressures us to
act. Death taught us
how important time is,
so that there will be growth.
We dread this finality,
suspending us in wonderment,
a charcoal to burn our faith.

“Imagining to love”

We are both drowning,
in emotions at this very moment.
This is it.
At last I feel love,
do you feel it too?
Right now,
I want to embrace you,
and keep you safe
with me,
here,
within my arms that does not let go.
I want to touch every part of you,
and feel your skin,
and listen to your every breath,
and make you understand
what I am thinking and feeling.
I want to know you,
in every way,
all at the same time
so that I can assure myself that
you are really here with me,
at this moment.
I want to make you hear
my heart beat,
how it beats so fast,
and make you know how much
I yearn for you.
I want to feel you,
with both of my hands,
with all of my senses.
And make you understand,
that I,
care for you.

“Eve”

Temperature drops. The freezing gale penetrated through fur and thick skin. The creature through ages depended on such devices, which its ancestors transformed for it in time. But, no more can it make use of such adaptations to make its self comfortable from this unpredictable circumstance. No more can it make use of its instincts which guided it in a robotic manner.
This creature, now, was almost perfect, with parts which could stretch, and reach, and clench with accuracy. A body upright with only a fraction of which contacts the ground. A head, with eyes and all, above, such that it can view distances, and a brain encased in a bowl like cap, to secure atop.
Then, it will be introduced to a thought, but will not know.
It made itself a home, beneath a rocky mountain, amidst a forest. But it did not use intelligence of any sort for creating such, for it was instinct that built this cavern.
This creature was well evolved, for it lived now at a point where it stopped changing itself, but rather, it changes its abode.
Within its house, irregular and damp, stood its mate, of male likeness. The creature and its mate awaited for the strong winds to cease so that they could continue foraging. But this creature, which was of female likeness, felt a fire within its bosom which spread towards its belly.
It usually feels such a thing, and so it knows, for it happens naturally, this sensation, so as to signal its fertility, and so that it knows what next to do. This feeling, this sensation had always been a part of a cycle, a cycle it had no idea of, a cycle which nature devised to perpetuate this creature, a cycle grand and complex which flowed unimpeded.
But this sensation, it tingled and caressed it in every part, it lingered and grew further. The creature’s heart sped faster, and faster.
With fingertips, it recalled the sensations, and thought of how such wonders could be induced. Unknowingly, the creature chose, to feel this, and so, it knew of pleasure, but it did not understand fully. This pleasure it created violated all of its instincts, all of nature’s plans, the cycle. It was intrigued, and thus rewarded, with this awareness, with its presence.
The creature learned fast its liberties from the shackles of instinct, and yearned to experiment further.
The winds grew harsh. Light was scanty within. The currents of air cut through the stone walls, entering the opening in whirling masses which wheezed at high pitch. It positioned itself on the ground, reclining, with back arched and neck bent sideways. Its hands scanned its primitive body, searching for a spot that would arouse and excite.
The creature’s mate stood alarmed, walked, and came near it almost ape-fashioned, warily.
The creature on the floor, moist and soiled, looked up with a gaze, fixed and certain at its partner, and saw it a tool –a thought this creature longed to prove once more, for it remembered how it felt.
It twisted in a motion similar to that of a serpent’s, until the humid soil touched its belly, its bosom and all. It crawled, with this hunger, lingering in its veins towards its mate.
Now, it thought of the many splendid revelations that had come to its self, and willed to liberate as well this creature of male likeness. To experience pleasure as it wills. To act on its own, to cause an effect that it longs for, for itself.
This creature of female likeness was now neither any creature in that place, at that time, for it now felt, with its mind.

“Guests”

Our television set broke,
last month,
the whole month
of April,
until awhile ago,
but
now it radiates
an aura of show business,
dry talks,
laughter sends waves of madness,
eerie and puzzling.
Oh, how I longed for such appliance,
to provide us,
in comfort,
things,
but my senses accustomed
to silent reveries
and light discourses,
cannot quite compensate
with such commotions,
of witty guests,
in our little sala.

“Breakfast at Tiffany’s”

He pushed it forcefully. “Damn!” he shouted, helplessly. He was just so anxious, and so he won’t give up. The lights were already dimmed. A glass of water with droplets condensed, atop a table stood beside his stiff couch. Its remnants formed shapes, before trickling down the wood-parqued floor.
He pushed it further, now more forcefully than ever, for now, his head pulsated, and was sweaty. “I’d kill myself if you don’t work!” he scolded the Betamax. But it did work, as though it had a mind of its own, and engulfed the tape slowly yet swiftly.
Street lights passed through the slits of Venetian blinds, scanning the room, constantly fading. The T.V. projected dull colors on the paper wall, replacing the reds and yellows of passing cars.
He stood up from his squatted position, moved backwards to his one-seater couch, and let go of the earth’s pull, which tensioned his body much through out the day. “Breakfast at Tiffany’s” was his favourite. It was the only property he treasured so much. “Audrey Hepburn is really pretty” he thought, as the movie started.
He did this routine much throughout his life. In the dark recess of the Seventh floor, music from his movie, on his T.V., echoed faint noises into the corridors, at Ten Thirty.
Now he came to this part where Audrey looks through the glass separation. His heart crushed. His eyes teary. His body fixed.
He felt a longing to come near the screen. Time froze slowly.
A revelation came to him; nobody was there, in that very room. No eyes to survey him. No mouths, tongues to scorn him with serpentine tips. No pretense.
His face, illuminated by the images, shifting, came as close to this screen, reflecting his own on dark intervals.
In irony, her face formed a hazy glare. Details of her dissolved, in pixels of primary colors, entombed in a glass convex.
He shut his eyes, moistened by tears. Fell on the floor in a helpless despair, with his head lowered. So little an effort to turn off the T.V., yet his fingers sent off small tremors, his chest tightened, and he gasped for air, and exhaled, trembling.
Again, there was this awful deafening silence.
In the stillness, noise from the streets emerged. The sound of motor cars came swift, then faded.
There was too much change, too much change in schedule that his neighbors might turn restless by this stillness. But no, nobody knew, nobody cared, with the difference then and ever since he beheld this video tape.

“The dog or the moon?”

Was it the dog or the moon?
I was really on the verge of bursting!
The bastard provoked me, disaster awaited him.
Or was it the moon, which sends warm blood,
surging into my head, pulsating, as usual
–especially now that a lunar eclipse is unfolding?
Thank God that stupid mongrel has stopped
his monotonously irritating barks!
Tension built up on my back,
my teeth pulverized in anguish.
“Why hath God made such noisy creatures!”
I thought a few minutes ago.

“Simile”

A face is a poetry,
of verbs and adjectives,
of phrases and clauses.
Form settles below this paper
on which fonts are pressed,
precious thoughts compressed.
Oh, what beauty lies beneath such composition!
Like a face, irreproachable.
A show to an admiring bog,
whose eyes are fixed on an opus,
of curves and tones, of sultry lips
and eyes adorned with multi-facets,
sparkling,
rationalizing
this mystery conceived,
unexpectedly by sight,
in a complex whole.

“Stress”

Day ends.
Skull muscles worn out;
this body, tensioned by society’s alertness,
pressured to conform in a thousand ways,
need rest.
Sore shoulder blades,
spinal column needs twisting.
These droopy eyelids protest
–they urge the show has ended,
draperies to cover the pupils,
down now.
Head sways left to right,
neck snaps in reply.
Gravity pulls, relentless in a day.
Legs and feet tremble.
Slowly, reclining.
Hush.

“Mystery”

Let man be set free from the shackles of sin,
torturing him steadfastly as a retribution from such,
taming him, for he might not in the instance of death
taste eternal happiness -as he was told so.
So little a proof of such grandness,
yet the slightest possibility of it grew into faith,
seeking from us humility and trust,
that we might not resent being cast into perdition.

“Of truth and perfection”

How perfect can we be, I wonder? With such frail bodies corruptible by earthly forces, our thoughts mold such truths into one delusional reality, that we are atop the animal kingdom, that we are supreme. What is perfection anyway when there’s nothing much to compare to? Maybe for us, perfection is such a state of positive extreme that our minds can compensate to comprehend. This physical world brainwashed us. I guess it’s hard to escape such natural aspect in us which evolution, in time, changed us into. Our concepts of perfection adjusted itself to our state, to our pathetic, grotesquely uncivilized state.

“Certainty”

It’s so hard to identify the most important things in life! There’s so many categories, which branch out to form this complex tree –a somewhat clichéd metaphor which is quite true. Do we have to give so much effort in unraveling this, this woven mat which only God alone can untangle, and reveal its intricacy? We live, then learn, and soon afterwards, we search for its extents, then analyze with this accumulation, and then believe in this accumulation, so much that we shut our own from the rest of what there is or could be. This that surrounds us becomes a void space so as to make us focus more on what we have, and be contented. But still, we are not certain, we can never be.

“Revolution in Physics”

The world is a mess! There’s no way anyone could repair its wretchedness, its unruly ways! Life here is so hard, so miserable. To accept reality is hard. To look at yourself in the mirror, realize your defects by your rationality and conclude that you are in fact undesirable is hard. We happen to have this mind that has the power to examine itself, and compare, and revolt. We subject ourselves to change. Our analysis deepens as our experience broadens –which might probably reveal our state, the reality of our present condition. We are overly consumed by Physics! We cling to our religion for salvation that one might endure the inexorable, and that one might not be oppressed. Yet we are oppressed by life’s injustice. It’s hard to claim ourselves as souls when we are overly consumed by Physics.

“Universe”

It’s funny how people built this world into how we wanted it to be. We feel so safe, so at home that we think life here is reality. The reality is that we look like tiny ants in this puny dot that we so call universe. This we cannot even prove to be existing, using these five senses that we think is all there is to know.

“All we have to do”

I think all that we have to do is wait. Analyzing things makes it worse. Proving makes us seek answers, but we can never be certain. All we have to become is to be humble and to be patient. Follow God’s teachings –the simplest things in life that we are for sure of, and wait.

“Bones”

Feel your skull.
Time will come, and it will reveal the white
calcified substance that composes it.
The Chinese can make use of it;
turn it into pills, while the Americans play Baseball
with your Femur and your Patella.
Do not tremble in fear!
By that time, you won’t even feel a thing.

“Transcendence”

Self is not a property;
we don’t even know where our selves come from.
We human beings are so different from one another.
We have minds we claim as ours,
but what’s the difference from my mind with your mind?
Maybe just the fact that we both grew up differently,
putting different information in our minds,
defining ourselves with knowledge we acquired
from our own unique worlds and introducing ourselves
to everyone with a name.
If we become humble enough to disown ourselves as “ours”
by not using knowledge to define ourselves,
we probably might see ourselves in others,
or maybe become someone higher or greater
that no man is ever capable of knowing.
Not until we set aside our earthly ways.

“Becoming besides my self”

I’ve become a billion souls.
Each day I feel I’m different,
I’m someone else than what I was yesterday or any other day
than today. I’m someone else, only that I wake up in the same room,
in the same clothes, in the same face as mine’s.

“The world is a big treadmill”

Have you ever felt like you were walking on a treadmill,
as you walk down a street?
I have.
You must sometimes do it to. . . .
Feel the world roll right under your feet,
with the sun and the sky following you.
It really feels like walking on a big treadmill.

“Ages”

My heart is still pumping blood.
My brain is still working,
but I feel they are getting tired,
almost worn out.
I am just nineteen, but for
me, life keeps on repeating.
There’s just the people and
my face to remind me that
I am just nineteen.

“I”

I am composed of atoms that come from what I prefer to eat,
with options sent by impulses from my brain to be chosen by my Id.
I have a name derived from the eternal possibilities, probably randomly selected.
Growing up to realize that the only “I” I know is the past that constitutes me.

Tuesday, September 21, 2004

Tardy

Late,
I travel one and a half hour just to get to school.
Circumstance I suppose,
led me here.
Its quite hard to cope up with everyone, yet
nobody really cares anyway.
Although they try,
but it shows . . .
they dont care a bit.
This is my realization for the moment.

Saturday, September 18, 2004

The world is round. . . "Bilog ang mundo"

I'm stuck here in Luzon . . . imprisoned by fate.
What mystery lies beyond the expanse of Manila Bay,
every morning when I go to school.
How can such glistening waters instill within me, a sense of fear
and anxiety, like religion does?
This routine is wasting my time,
and yet, burns my appetite for adventure.





Friday, September 17, 2004

I'll consider this as an achievement.
to be a blogger,
of some sort. . . .